


Random - An Inconsistent Diary

by FollowtheLeider



Category: Original Work, Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:21:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 64
Words: 4,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27884428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollowtheLeider/pseuds/FollowtheLeider
Summary: This is a collection of poems that I have been writing and compiling inconsistently (see title) since 7th grade. The ability to write poetry is honestly the best (and only) thing I got out of being a Girl Scout.
Kudos: 1





	1. Clocks

What is it about people,

That we seem to move in time

A certain quirk here, an old habit there

Always the same, with different pictures

Like clocks with different faces

Is that all we are, just well-oiled cogs and gears and other components?

Ticking away till the end of our tock

Leaving behind no substantial thought

Oh woe, to be a clock!


	2. Inside Voices

The Teachers say to use our inside voices

Why should we?

Our inside voices cry & scream & yell & complain & cuss & grow bitter

Sometimes they die

So why should we use our inside voices, the ugliest part of us

When we can hide behind a facade of lies

And use our outside voices


	3. Ignorance

I do not know what I have,

So I do not know what I lack.

Since I don’t know what I lack,

I don’t know what I have.

But since I know I don’t know what I have,

I know I do not know what I lack,

And I’m quite alright with that.


	4. Possibilities

Position

Objective

Standards

Star-gifts

Imagination

Belief

Ideas

Love & Life & Living

Integrity

True dreams

Ideals

Excellence

Success


	5. To Move

Me, I want to move to

Arizona

Montana

Australia

Me, I want to move where there is

New Friends

New Culture

New Life

Me, I want to move

And that’s that


	6. Broken

Water trickles

From the lash

Of forsaken eyes

Tears glisten down

Her cheek and

land into the blood

Sadness descends

Like a haze sowing

Pain into her heart

Innocent eyes gaze

To the moon

Purple in its light

The orb shone across

her brow and claimed

she was alone

The child looked

down upon her wound,

sat down and sang

a mourning

song


	7. Broken

Water trickles

From the lash

Of forsaken eyes

Tears glisten down

Her cheek and

land into the blood

Sadness descends

Like a haze sowing

Pain into her heart

Innocent eyes gaze

To the moon

Purple in its light

The orb shone across

her brow and claimed

she was alone

The child looked

down upon her wound,

sat down and sang

a mourning

song


	8. Beads

A broken necklace slips through my hands

The string disappears in the sand

Frustrated tears come to my eyes

Wipe them away, I’ll never cry

I bend to pick up all the beads

The wind scatters them into the reeds

I turn to go but hit the ground

Nothing I can do but frown

My life’s a mess, my mind’s a maze

Everything’s blocked by the haze

And you, you make it even worse

You and your shiny, silver Porsche

Driving straight into my dreams

It always makes me want to scream

It’s not right it’s plain to see

You just were not made for me (You were sent to torture me)

The ocean waves are just so blue

I’m seeing from a suicidal’s view

Why do I do this to myself?

Why don’t I put you on a shelf?

You’re Pandora’s Box, that’s for sure

You claim I’m gorgeous, then a whore

You’ve fixed it to where I’m to blame

Putting me and my Family to shame

I head south to sing the blues

Adding things to make them true

I’m like that necklace that you broke

Tears come forward and make me choke

My life’s a mess, my mind’s a maze

And I’m dying in the haze


	9. Depression

Teardrops stain

the hands of fate

hope will always fade

for love is never lasting

only cold and greed survive

the clutches of the pain

those who care are in its grasp

and there they will remain


	10. On and On and On

The car moves at a 

Constant speed 

It is enough to make

You sleep

You stare ahead at a gray

Sky

The trees and truck go by and

By

The droning sound fills 

Your ears, more pleasant than 

a wasp

You doze a bit and then

Wake up when you have 

reached your spot

You yearn for more 

But what do your say 

To stay?

Absolutely Nothing


	11. Politicians

Everywhere I look

Someone’s asking for a better solution,

A way out.

Yet all I see is talkers or complainers

Sitting on their ass in the dark,

Trying to find the light,

Whilst denying anything that

Shines.

Maybe if they shut up and breathe

They’ll feel the sunshine

That doesn’t go away

Despite the office buildings


	12. The No's

The paling moon dims

Tears roll down her

chalk-white cheeks

No one hears her sobs

Trees sing lullabies

They whisper oh, so gently

Nothing sings along

He pauses and sighs

The wind does a

Mournful dance

Nobody applauds

Who is Nobody?

Who is Nothing

And No one?

They’re the space

Between


	13. Silver Ring

A silver ring rests

Upon my finger, a

Gift from years ago.

It carries a promise,

a symbol of love, and I’ll

keep it for all

of my life.


	14. Winding Love

Winding Ribbons

Winding Rivers

Winding Hearts

Winding Souls

Winding Spirals

Winding Winds

Winding down

The path of life

Winding, Winding.

Winding on

My love

For you


	15. La Luna

The blinding ball of light is gone

Replaced by the softer face

Of a girl called Luna.

She sings a lullaby to all,

Granting all who listen peace,

for a time in this hectic

world. Yet when all of

the shadows have fled

she follows them to keep

us safe and loved.


	16. Parts of me

The spirit keeps me breathing

The aura keeps me living

My heart keeps me going

My body keeps me safe

My soul keeps me growing

The mind gives me a space

And I make myself

Unique!


	17. Redeem

I’ve made a wish

I’ve made a prayer

That one day people will

open their eyes

To the cruel things

They’ve said, the

Mean things they’ve

Done, the gross

Things they’ve thought.

And they will crumble

with shock at how

Huge jerks and 

bitches they are.


	18. Death-day Party (9-11)

How can the day of fear

And hate

Come in the wake

of a celebration?

While people die, the

T.V.’s off

I’m eating cake and cream

Older I grew while

Thousands more halted

I’m confused, what should

I feel?

Help me decide

which is right.

(Edit: how _dare_ society make me feel guilty for things beyond my control)


	19. Zip!

A spark of joy,   
A smile, A zip  
Fleeting in time and space  
Yet eternal in its way


	20. Can it Last?

Can it last, my memories?

My impressions and mistakes?

The yellow sky, that early morn,

Of Once Upon A Time?

My hopes and fears and dreams and schemes,

Every word I said?

Yes! I’ll make it last! Yet

I digress,

I’ll try the best I can


	21. Enya

Ethereal

Naiad

Yen

Aglow


	22. Ribbon, Ribbon

Ribbon, Ribbon, On the floor

Who is knocking at the door?

Fabric, Fabric, On the ground

Why would he come around?

Mirror, Mirror, On the wall

Make him stay for a while

Candle, Candle, Burning Bright

Let’s end this without a fight

Knife, Knife, in his hand

Why don’t things go as planned?

Death, Death, at the door

Over here, on the floor


	23. Dooms Day

Sky quakes and cracks appear

While Fire rains and Water burns

Now which of us

To blame?


	24. Penelope's Lament

Oh, Where are You

Dead and Gone?

Yearning is all I can do

Save that I pray you

Survive, and so on

Enter my house and live,

Ye, whom I love


	25. Break Down

How many times

Have you walked

Past my door

And not checked to see

If I’m all right

Because I’m not

I’m crying and sobbing

And when you do come

In I’m calm again and

You continue about

Your business and I’m

Left to cry and weep

Some more

Am I such a good actress

That you can’t see my tears?


	26. Tick-Tock

Tick-Tock

Went the clock

As the hour chimed

The seconds Ticked,

The minutes Tocked,

And the hours all went

BONG!


	27. Calmtime

Words engrave in the

Wood

I trace with my own tool

My Quiz is done

And yet I hear

Pencils scratching

as they work


	28. Regrets

One day I’ll

Wake up and realize

That all the things

I didn’t do

Are coming back

To haunt me


	29. Expectations

I’m going on a cruise

this year

I can barely wait

An adventure I could never dream

Is now coming awake


	30. A distance

Things look smaller

& distances are shorter

From a distance

This is how we should

View our problems,

From a distance

(If only I could remember my own

advice)


	31. Is (a description of opinions)

Romance is

A dance alone in a dark, empty room by yourself.

Personality is

An array of colors that twist in the day and twirl by night, yet slowly fade away if not used.

Happiness is

A sound box with different volumes, but when turned off is absolutely dead.

Grief is

Hearing you parents yell at you, and knowing that it is only going to get worse.

Lust is

A crush that fades away after a week or so, or maybe after a month

Love is

Snuggling in bed with mom and dad and your little brother with the dog on top

Peace is

Being with your pet on the deck, loving each other in the quiet sunshine

Despair is

Believing that there’s no hope and the glass is half-empty

Resolution is

Keeping your room clean and activities up to date for more than one year

Health is

Feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally fit with a smile on your face

Relief is

Finishing your all of your homework before 10


	32. The Essay

A Bird’s eye view

A far the ground

Red and orange and pink

Roses breathe serenity

And peace

Max dwelt here

Once, so did his

Wife

Till it all burnt

Down


	33. Hearken

Hearken, dear

Listen here

Gather near

There’s much to fear

But please don’t shed

A tear


	34. Anger hidden

It grows and grows

As we sow

And then the reaping

Results in weeping

And scars within our

Souls


	35. Anger hidden

It grows and grows

As we sow

And then the reaping

Results in weeping

And scars within our

Souls


	36. Crowded Out

Crowded out

Closing in

No air, breath

Darkness, despair

Loss of hope

In a

Crowded hall

But then a light

Pierced the gloom

A hand stretches out

A smile flashes

Where I was standing alone

There are now two


	37. The Dance

I race the lights

that gleam on the

floor, racing and racing

until there’s no more.

They are my friends as

I watch them run, then

Feel sadness catch me

As I pass one, then

vanish as I see the light

ahead.

This goes on and on

Till I reach my stop

And force myself to turn

And avoid racing down

The school hall with my

Bare feet slapping on tile

As the lights egg me on

I coerce myself

Through the door and

Sob as I see carpet,

With no tile for lights to dance on, and am forced to walk slowly

Down the hall again

Burdened with sorrow

And school supplies and realize

That I cannot dance to

Lights and rejoice

In their love

Of bare feet

slapping on

tiles; racing

For joy


	38. Desolation

It is sad that though

You are surrounded by friends

Still you are lonely

Red Rose in the night

Fading in the firelight

Dancing quickly to the tune

Crying softly to the moon

Spreading wings that cannot fly

Questioning the reason…why?

Writing letters with your toes

What they say nobody knows

The music slows n’then picks up

Your tears flow into the cup

You drain the cup so none can tell

That you’re falling into hell


	39. Slap

I run across the concrete

My shoes go slap! Slap! Slap!

Everything is all hummmm!

And nothing’s in my way

Exhilarating, Freeing, Watch

My feet leave the 

Ground, then slap!

Slap! Slap! Again, over and over

Happy as can be, I’m free, 

I’m free, I’m free!

Wide sky above my head,

Wide as can be

With concrete just as wide

As I slap! Slap! Slap! With

My white tennis shoes 

As I run down the block.


	40. Ice Crystals (cold front)

Ice crystals frozen on each

Blade of grass

The chilled air steals my breath

Away

I pause to zip my jacket, flashlight

Tween my knees

Turn the faucet, fill the bucket,

Do it once again

Fingers numb, I watch the sky

Turn from dark blue to a purple hue

The cold front means winter’s

Coming

But the cats are cozy, the dogs are dozy

Only those without fur are chilled

And still I wonder at why in the

Summer, we humans complain of

The heat.


	41. Winter frost

I kneel down to meet

The broken concrete,

alone in a desert of

Stone with a cold

Bitter wind as blue

As the sky with

A sun as warm as

Snow.

I have no emotions, no feelings,

I am numb, cold, dead of life

Except the natural instinct to

Live, breath, stare, at cracks

That don’t lead to hell but

To a dark cavern’s

Crevice of unmelting

ice, void of beauty and

love, a word forgotten in

this cold, unfeeling world.

I am dead, lost, I am the

winter frost


	42. Wal-Mart

Cheerful laughter,

A joke’s been told,

I race ahead to

Find the soap.

I turn the corner

But when I come back

I see none I know

I turn to the right,

I turn to the left,

I call out but feel

As if I’m deaf

I race, panicked, through

The aisles as if in Pan’s

Labyrinth, yet no one

Knows I’m lost.

The walls loom up and

Forward like wolves

waiting for the kill.

Plastic toys smile

Meaninglessly at me

As I sail through the

Sea of people and fight

Through the forest of clothes

Then I catch sight of a shirt

Of red, ahead of grey, a

Shoe of blue, a call of

“There you are!” and a

Great big hug and my

Family and I leave

Wal-Mart


	43. Big Mistake (a fangirl of yore)

There once was a girl who cried in her room

She made the mistake of trying to love you

She’d weep and she’d rage, she’d cry

To the sky

Oblivious to the years

passing by

But then one day she met someone new

And realized you only made her blue

So on one trying day, she picked up

your book,

Gave you a look, and said,

“Goodbye Harry Potter, I’m

Through with you.”

( Pfffttttt…. My past self is a _liar_ , I’m **still** obsessed! )


	44. Driver's License & Addendum (Lasik)

**Driver’s License**

I take a walk

Hey, there’s the floor!

I push the cart

Um, there’s a wall here!

I ride my bike

Who put that tree there?

I won’t get my license

Till I get new eyes.

**Addendum (Lasik)**

Walking in a fuzzy world,

Blindly trusting the doctors

As antiseptic stings my eyes and

Nurses etch lines around my pupils

Following the flow of walk sit walk sit

As an odd smell reminiscent of rubber erasers and heat

Fill my nose, and blurred pink green yellow lights shine

Into my eyes, and I watch the doctor move, and the lights… peel back? Pop?

Become even less distinct.

And I am led away, bandaged, blindfolded and motioned to

Walk sit walk sit, as I sit with strangers handicapped as I am.

Then I leave and the next morning I wake up, and for the first time in my entire life

I can read the poster in the hall and I smile as I can finally see,

So happy that I don’t care when I realize that there are bloodspots in my irises and that rubber smell was

Caused by the lasers they used to edit my eyes


	45. Poetry Reading

I’ve written many poems

But very few I’ll tell

I like to keep them hidden

Like a pearl within a shell

Heh, I guess I’m just nervous

I mean, I forgot, and wrote this in 5 minutes

On a loose scrap of paper lost inside my purse

How embarrassing


	46. Lullaby

Wrap me up, hold me close

Sing me to sleep in China

Slip me poison, for my unworthiness

And sink me in the river Huang

Or sell me off in Africa

A white slave for your pleasure

Or split me in half and sell me in parts

That’ll be another man’s treasure

Or wrap me up, hold me close

And never let me go


	47. Becoming an Addict

The first time you say yes,

The first time you say why not,

You start.

It grabs you, hooks into your brain,

And by the time you’ve noticed,

you’re a different person then

You were before.

The trick is, it doesn’t have to

Be an illegal substance or something

Derogatory to your health. It just

Has to be something you

Can’t

Let

Go.

Everyone has one. What’s yours?


	48. Godsblest

The lord doth work in mysterious

Ways

But I’m sure he likes me.

He gave me Hope and a Family

I love

And the Ability to keep Faith strong

He gave me a brother named Jesus

And three others that all start with M

He’s my Father, and like my father,

He loves me the way I am

And no, I’m not here to boast,

Or to convert you to my ways

But I’m Godsblest, I think I should know

Miracles happen every day.


	49. When I lay

When I lay

My head

And close

My eyes

I listen

I hear the creaks

Of the beds

And the hum

Of machines

And my mind drifts

Stolen characters

Unfit plots

Random facts

Of daily life

And sleep escapes me

I ask for sleep,

Yet when it calls

I turn it away

Saying, “no, not yet,

Come back later.”

But then morning

Hours come

And in the still

Of rapid life

I close my eyes

And lay my head

In the morning dark


	50. F & Double F

**F**

F me

F god

F family

F cats

F relationships

F nail polish

F expectations

F homework

F teachers

F religion

F friends

F the world

F me

Yeah

F me

Now, when I say F,

Does that mean

Fuck, or Forgive?

**Double F**

In **F** , I didn’t put

Politics

Huh, I guess we all

Know that politics

is

screwed


	51. My Backpack

Have you seen

 _My_ backpack, crammed, stuffed, full

Hiding a lost assignment, a lunch box, a hat

Protecting knowledge, a calculator, and my red gloves

 _My_ backpack, worn, lifetime warranted, with a hole

Near the zipper, purple plaid of an

Unknown – wait, yes, this is

 _My_ backpack


	52. New Kid's Plea

Everybody’s watchin’

Why do they all stare?

I know that I’m the new kid

Why do they all care?

I know that I am different

From my hair to my ways 

Please o’please just stop it!

Pretty please go away

I know that I am funky

And a little weird too

You guys don’t even know me

Why are you keeping me here with you?

Please let me adjust

And make my own mark

Hey you! You wanna go for a walk

With me around the park?

With me around the park?

With me around the park?

around the park?


	53. War

Children run

They don’t know why

All the Adults are

crying in quiet

Children laugh

They don’t know what’s been done

All the Children they laugh in blindness

Tears Fall, Children Call

Asking for others to join them

Sticks, Stones, might break their bones

But their souls have yet to be tarnished

Crying in quiet

Adults they watch in silence

Children laugh and Children run

While the Adults all rue what’s been done

Drums beat

Children meet

And talk of attaining glory

We sigh, they’ll all die

But the Children are already marching

Swords drawn, the games begun

Yet now no one is laughing


	54. Once upon a scene

Once upon a scene

There was you and me

Nobody in between

Now the cameras off

Light fades out

And the party’s going on

Why? Why did you have to leave?

Why? Was I not good enough for thee?

(Once upon a scene)

The dance floor spreads out

And it’s like I can’t hear

Music’s pumping, people jumping

I can’t even see you near me

You’re off again

It’s like I’m not here

You brought me here, why aren’t you here?

Why did you leave?

Was I not good enough for thee?

Why can’t you see?

We weren’t there, we were here

Now you’re over there

Once upon a scene

There was you and me

Nobody in between

Now you got your girls swinging around you like

your own galaxy

I coulda sworn you meant

What you said

You gave me a ring and

Now you got your own pair

Orbiting

Once upon a scene

There was you and me

Wasn’t even air, this ain’t fair

Why did you have to go – oh

You went to the right,

I turned and left

Why can’t you see me leave?

I said please

Will you be here?

Waking up in the middle

of nowhere

wondering where I went

Will you even care?

Once upon a scene

there was you and me

Nobody in between

Now the scenes been cut

It’s your fault

Don’t even look at me

Once upon a scene

There was you and me

Nobody in between

But the lights went out,

It’s all dark,

And the camera’s still rolling


	55. Piano and Guitar; Dischord

My brother and I are like our respective instruments

He is easily moved, and I am not

He needs tuning often, while I only need it sometimes

His strings are easily snapped, and mine are not

And though we are both strings, we cannot always comprehend the other

Yet, we both share a strong sense of beauty and life


	56. Apathy

To say I was fine would be to lie

To say I hurt would be even more so

They never did make a word

To describe the feeling of limbo,

Detachment, being neither in reality or beyond or above

It’s not quite here nor quite there,

But still, at least it’s somewhere

(Maybe it’s disappointment)


	57. The Business Woman

Run, calm, cool, composed

Run, breeze through the words

Run, meetings and due dates

Run, zmmm, copy machine

Run, to the gun, no time for fun

STOP

Coffee Break

Run, black and white blurs my eyes

Run, heels shoot pain through my thighs

Run, smooth keys beneath my hands

Run, stale coffee tastes like sand

Run, hear the static hum

As I receive a call –

I’m late again


	58. A Love Ballad (aka: another reason I don’t write songs)

Sometimes I question what ought not be –

What would it be like to have no sea –

What would happen if you found me?

I wonder and I ponder

About what it’s like to be free –

Flying with you beside me

The world is a big mystery –

Life is its favorite game to play

But love, love is so much more

Love is what feeds your soul

Please rescue me

Take me in your arms and hold me

Together we’ll soar!

But how can we

You won’t even look at me

You don’t even know who I am

But one day, you’ll wake up and find

I’m waiting, right here, for you


	59. Foreign Music

garbled words spill across

uncomprehending ears

but notes lift and carry souls

across a world's distance

to swing and sway and jump

rhythms beating in blood

and senses soaring with cadences

colors bloom behind closed lids

and stories unfold

and peace seems real for once


	60. To Chance Roberts

I used to call you angel boy.

Your curls were so blonde, like light, and you had

The palest blue eyes, like the heavens.

You were both white and pink, evenly displaced

I never told you 'cause I don’t love you.

I just thought that you looked like an angel.


	61. Rage

The only true constants are family

Friends are fickle and fleeting and don’t last

You say I should hang out more

With whom?

With those who “love” me as I sit

like an awkward trophy on their “friends” shelf?

Friends should know your real favorite color

And the one you say is your favorite color

Friends should be able to confide in you,

Not have everyone but you involved because,

“You don’t want to get involved – You wouldn’t understand.”

Of course I don’t understand – No one will tell me what’s going on!

Am I unobservant – yes

I’m too busy being your giggly little trinket

That you forget that I’m more than just a smile and great hugs -

I’m real too


	62. Bridge

The life of me and my friends

Are like a cracked-open door

Teasing, fingers playing in the wind,

With sometimes getting a palm out

But then it closes again,

Buffeted by the winds of change,

With barely a room for a finger

Will the door ever open completely,

Or will it one day slam shut?


	63. Shh...

Stillness permeates

this house

Noise is foreign here

Every little rustle is heard

Every step in here is felt

There’s more people than me

in this strange isolation

wandering like ghosts in our heads

Where pulses are heard

to the tick of a clock

And our skin makes the most

noise


	64. Coriander

Brittle sticks gathered,

Shorn from brown stalks

bent from age, arching

up then down as a cathedral's

expansive sky. Seeds

twisted, rolling between

fingers till _clunk_ , _titch_

they fall among their brethren.

A basketful of sticks,

resembling the thistles of

an old-style broom,

staining fingers with the

scent of green


End file.
